How to Tell a Partner You Have an STI: Wording That Helps

Key takeaways

Telling partners lets them get tested and treated, and it lowers your own risk of being reinfected.
Keep the message short and factual: the infection, what they should do, and where they can get tested.
For chlamydia, CDC says partners from the 60 days before your symptoms or diagnosis should be evaluated, and your most recent partner even if it's been longer.
If telling someone yourself isn't safe or practical, health department partner services or anonymous text services can notify them for you.
If a partner has been violent or controlling, your safety comes first. Use an anonymous option or ask a clinician for help.

You've just been diagnosed with an STI, and now you're supposed to tell someone. Maybe it's the person you live with, someone you saw twice, or someone you haven't talked to in months. However the relationship looks, the goal is the same: give them enough information to get tested and treated, without turning the conversation into a trial.

This guide is for the person giving the news. If you're the one who just received it, see your partner tested positive: what next.

Why telling partners matters

Many STIs don't cause symptoms. Your partner may have no idea they need testing.
Untreated infections can cause complications, including pelvic inflammatory disease and infertility in some cases.
It protects you. If a regular partner isn't treated, you can be reinfected as soon as you have sex again. That's one reason CDC recommends a retest about 3 months after chlamydia or gonorrhea treatment.

Who to tell

The right look-back period depends on the infection, so ask the clinician who diagnosed you. For chlamydia, CDC's STI Treatment Guidelines say partners from the 60 days before your symptoms started or before your diagnosis should be referred for testing and treatment, and your most recent partner should be treated even if it's been more than 60 days. Infections like syphilis and HIV can have longer look-back periods.

A simple way to organize it:

Write down the infection and the date of your test or first symptoms.
List partners in that window, plus your most recent partner.
Note how you can reach each person, and whether it's safe to contact them directly.
Mark who you'll tell yourself and who you'd rather have notified anonymously.

When to tell them

As soon as you have a confirmed result. Waiting doesn't make it easier, and your partner may be passing it on without knowing.
Before you have sex again, not after.
When you have a few practical details ready: the name of the infection, that it's treatable (if it is), and where they can get tested.
Choose the medium for safety and clarity. In person or by phone suits ongoing relationships. A text is fine for a past or casual partner, and it gives them something to show a clinician.

Word-for-word scripts

Change these to fit your situation. Keep it short: what you have, what they should do, and that you're telling them out of care, not blame.

Current partner, in person

"I need to tell you something about my health that affects you too. I tested positive for chlamydia. It's common and it's treated with antibiotics. You should get tested and treated too, even if you feel fine, and we should hold off on sex until we've both finished treatment. I can help you find somewhere to test."

Past or casual partner, by text

"Hi, this is [name]. I recently tested positive for gonorrhea, and my clinician said I should let recent partners know. It often has no symptoms, so it's a good idea to get tested and treated. Mention gonorrhea exposure when you go. Sorry to send this out of the blue, but I wanted you to know."

When you don't know where it came from

"I don't know when or from whom I got this. Many STIs don't cause symptoms and can go unnoticed for a long time. I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want us both to get checked and treated."

For a lifelong infection like herpes or HIV

"Before things go further, I want you to know I have herpes. I manage it, and there are ways to lower the chance of passing it on. I'm happy to answer questions, and you can take some time to think about it."

What not to say

Avoid guesses about who gave it to whom, and don't promise that "it's definitely from before you." Many STIs can go unnoticed for months or years, so timing is often impossible to work out. Stick to what you know and what they should do.

If you can't tell them yourself

You still have options:

Health department partner services. Many local health departments have staff who can notify partners confidentially without giving your name. Ask the clinic that diagnosed you, or call your local health department.
Anonymous text services. TellYourPartner.org, listed on CDC's National Prevention Information Network, lets users text a partner anonymously about a possible exposure.
Expedited partner therapy (EPT). For some infections, clinicians in most states can give you medication or a prescription to pass to your partner without examining them. See CDC's EPT legal status page for your state, and ask your clinician whether it fits your situation.

If you're worried about your safety

If a partner has been violent, threatening, or controlling, you don't have to tell them yourself. Ask your clinician or health department to handle notification, or use an anonymous service. Call 911 if you're in immediate danger.

Handling their reaction

Anger or blame: Stay calm and repeat the practical point: "I understand you're upset. The important thing is getting tested."
Silence: Give them time. Offer to send information later.
Questions you can't answer: Point them to a clinician or to free STD testing options.
Denial ("I'm fine, I don't need a test"): Let them know that infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea often cause no symptoms, which is exactly why testing matters.

If you're in an ongoing relationship, testing together can make the next step feel less one-sided. See our couples testing guide.

After you've told them

Finish your own treatment exactly as prescribed.
Avoid sex until you and your partner have both finished treatment and any symptoms are gone. Your clinician can tell you how long to wait for your specific infection.
Schedule any recommended retest.
Remember: telling a partner is a responsible act of care. Having an STI says nothing about your worth.

Frequently asked questions

Do I have to tell past partners about an STI?

Clinicians strongly encourage it so partners can get tested and treated. How far back to go depends on the infection. For chlamydia, CDC uses the 60 days before symptoms or diagnosis, plus your most recent partner.

Can I tell a partner anonymously?

Yes. Many local health departments offer partner services that notify people without naming you, and anonymous text services such as TellYourPartner.org exist.

What if I don't know who gave it to me?

That's common. Many STIs cause no symptoms for long periods. Say you don't know, and focus on getting everyone tested and treated.

Should I tell my partner by text?

Text is acceptable, especially for past or casual partners, and it gives them clear details to share with a clinician. For an ongoing relationship, a conversation is often better if it's safe.

What is expedited partner therapy?

EPT lets a clinician provide treatment for your partner without examining them, for certain infections such as chlamydia and gonorrhea. Its legal status varies by state. Check CDC's EPT page and ask your clinician.

Sources

Guidance changes. When timing or treatment matters, check the current linked guidance or ask a clinician.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not diagnose, prescribe, or replace individualized medical care. Testing and treatment decisions should be made with a qualified healthcare provider.

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